Help Me Be Good About Being Mean

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Kids who were paid for a series of small accomplishments performed better on standardized tests and continued to outperform even after the experiment stopped. So if you have it in your budget, consider sitting down with your child and picking a behavior or two that will lead to long-term improvements. Or pay them a nominal fee for every perfect homework assignment.

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Whatever the set up, set parameters, stick to them for a few months and see if your child's performance improves. It's two days before your kid's big project is due, and he seems totally unconcerned about getting started. You might be tempted to choose a project outline, drive him to the store for materials, and basically be his project manager. This goes for fixing his homework questions, too. If your eventual goal is to raise a self-sufficient individual, picking up after your child undermines that goal.

Do this instead: Let your kid turn in a shoddy, hastily pulled together project and get a low grade, especially if he's in elementary or middle school. He'll still get into college, we promise. Then follow up and ask him how he could have planned ahead better.


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  • He'll internalize the lesson that preparedness is key much better than if you glue the situation together for him, literally or metaphorically. My sister, a social worker and counselor in Maryland, mentors a couple young girls in her neighborhood.

    Bergamo Montessori Schools Blog

    One has a serious attitude problem, and is prone to bossing her classmates and even my sister around. When her circle of friends decided they would no longer talk to her, she was understandably upset. Her mother's reaction? But one of the hardest parts of teaching kids to be kind is helping them stay kind when other people are mean to them.


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    I want my kids to be kind people. I also do not teach my kids they need to be friends with everyone. Some kids are downright mean or have different values than us. My kids do not need to try to be friends with those kids. And if someone is consistently mean or unkind, we teach our kids to walk away, find somewhere else to be, and get adult help if needed. But we also tell them they can walk away without being mean.

    They can protect themselves emotionally without replying with a mean dig, snarky comment, or their tongue being stuck out. But one of the hardest things -and a true test of character- is whether we can be kind to unkind people. Our reactions are a mirror into our personalities and our hearts. Every day we decide how we are going to interact with others.

    Our choices need to reflect that decision. The hard part is we need to remember to match our actions to that decision :.

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    Because other people are watching us and taking cues from us. And how we treat others shows them how we want to be treated in return. If my eldest daughter frequently remembers to pour 3 cups of water instead of just one for herself, eventually, one day her siblings will get it.

    Kindness is treating others how you want to be treated. Kindness is not, treat people how they treat you. And we need to remember that kindness is not an option. Even if our friends say something nasty.

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    Or our sister takes our stuff. Our kids can hear the nasty words and choose not to say something nasty back. So what should you read that might truly change the way you think about, experience, and behave in your life? Give one—or all—of them a read. They just might change your life.

    Help Me Be Good About Being Bullied Read by Joy Berry

    So you must choose your fucks wisely. This is a breathtakingly written memoir from the founder of To Write Love On Her Arms , a non-profit aimed at presenting hope for people who struggle with addiction, depression, self-injury, and thoughts of suicide. Author Jamie Tworkowski touches on achey subjects—from heartbreak to the death of loved ones. It has to be said: Daring Greatly is one of those books that every human on the planet should read. This is a powerful book that will change your willingness and practice around letting yourself be fully seen—by loved ones and strangers alike.

    Tiny Beautiful Things takes readers on a journey through seemingly impossible topics like: navigating divorce, unrequited love, addiction, betrayal, and forgiveness. Go read this one now. Leadership and Self-Deception is the kind of book that will completely change the quality of your relationships—at work and beyond—for the better.